Dear Dave: He thinks I am dumb

Dearest Dave,

I commend you for the good work you do to support people with relationship issues. Kindly make me anonymous. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and we have a 10-month-old baby and pregnant with the second child.

When I noticed I was pregnant and informed him, he rained insults on me using abusive words (mind you we discussed child birth before marriage and he wanted three kids while I wanted two children) to the extent of telling me I forced myself onto him to have sex with me. Indeed after the sex that led to this pregnancy he told me to inform him anytime I want to get pregnant.

I have been enduring his verbal abuse for some time now without apologizing and then the next day, act as if everything is normal. He then called my best friend to complain to her that I have not had sex with him in months. Someone who insulted me as ‘gyimifuor’ for forcing myself to have sex with him? Indeed I don’t feel anything for him. I am not not attracted to him anymore.

Fast forward to the main issue that led to what I described above. Yesterday, we decided to talk about our issues in the marriage then I came up with seeing two condoms in his work bag. (This was before my current pregnancy.) Just two weeks ago, I saw another set of condoms and decided to get a better time to ask about it since we’ve never discussed having protected sex with condoms.

I also observed he was flirting with three different ladies at the same time. So as the opportunity came yesterday, I decided to ask him about it only for him to tell me he has never known peace since he got married and that I took them from his duffel bag, which is not true.

So I asked him to check on the manufacturing date on the condom which he refused. The first pair of condoms had a manufacturing date of November 2019 while the second one was in February 2020. How then will he tell me these condoms have been in our bedroom before we got married in 2018? Then he got to tell me I like arguing with him and that is why he doesn’t like to come home and that all women who like to argue with him during his dating period, he never continued with the relationship. My husband makes me feel like I am dumb, that I cannot reason and he can make any excuse and have his way.

This morning, without admitting his cheating last night and justifying his flirting, he wants to speak with me as if everything is normal and forcing me to respond to him. I am truly hurt and do not want to respond to anything so I don’t appear like I’m arguing with him. He is always saying if he abuses me verbally or does anything to me, the next day he forgets about it so I should also forget about it and let’s move on.

I don’t want to entertain that because he cannot continue to do that and expect me to forget like that. Is this stance a wrong stance?

Source David Bondze-Mbir
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