Dear Dave: Set for doom

Dearest David, I have just realized from observation that some marriages are set for doom even before the couple says ‘I do’.

Yet the women go in hoping to change the narrative. It is not wrong for them to hope but all that I learnt in my short life has taught me that marriage isn’t something you hope will work when you know your partner has been unwilling right from day one.

So she got pregnant when it seemed as though he was becoming distant, uninterested in the relationship, and as if he was going to break it off with her. She gave birth and now insists that her family will not let him name his child unless he marries her.

She has begged him to marry her just so he can have the honour of naming his child. He refused in the beginning, had everything set for the naming and because of his refusal to wed the lady, her family did not agree to the naming.

Eight months after the child was born and still unnamed, he has caved and is going through with the wedding. Meanwhile, he wants the woman he loves to stay in his life. At this point he spends all his time with this woman, only goes to see his child a day in every other weekend and comes back to this woman although he maintains the child and the mother as well as he can.

That child is his priority as it should rightly be. This marriage is set for failure and I am looking on and wish I could advise this bride to agree to co-parent with this man and let him live his life because she will not be happy in this marriage. But it is not in my place to do so; I am just looking on, hoping he finds a solution before the set date. He doesn’t even know for sure his wedding date, he keeps missing the dates.

This is sometimes why the women will say ‘he does everything for the children; he is a good dad but pays no attention’. Pregnancy and childbirth are not reasons enough to get married especially when one party is hesitant. Do post this anonymously when you see it.

I am the other woman and I am not staying in his life if he goes through with the wedding, but the odds are not in favor of this marriage unless God turns the story around for them.

Source David Bondze-Mbir
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